I am done trying to “make it.” I am finished striving. No more climbing. I prefer to expand my life outward, in circles of curiosity, love and communication. I have finally figured out that the whole phallic “onward and upward” American model of success doesn’t serve me. The conventional model of success presupposes that where I am right now is not good enough.
I’m 45 years old. I had a 20-year career in journalism and public relations that I loved. Nonetheless, the economy and my expanding consciousness made it clear to me that that career had either run its course or needed significant changes. I am now six years into my second career: teaching high school language arts.
Being the best was the name of my game. I grew up with the idea that there were those who were going to heaven, and those who were not. Those who were not going to heaven were sinners. Those who were going to heaven were also sinners, but they were the sinners who had accepted the story that they were not born the right way the first time, and needed to be born “again.” They were the ones who had accepted membership in the exclusive club of the redeemed. Naturally, I joined the club and professed my inclusion. I still didn’t feel good enough, but I did feel like I belonged to a special club.
So I felt special. And I sure did like the feeling. I began to strive to become more special. Personal perfection was my goal. Business success. Fame, fortune, the American Dream. All that. I did quite well, too.
However, as often happens to women who strive, my push to gain value crashed into my genuine desire to become valuable. The desire to become valuable began to wake me up, and life eventually spiraled in on itself with pain and loss; when I did, indeed come out of it alive, I had somehow gained a knowing that I am, and had always been, already valuable.
Laura L. Link
October 16, 2011
Social Media Voice 
Kudos on your decision. I hope you find your worth. I too ran the race. But no regrets, It was time to move over and let someone else do the running
That has not stopped me from walking the course. My current novel project gets a daily dose of words. My 3by3 is close to being finished and kindled.
As the sprinters race by, I have the regular twinge of being left behind. It only lasts a moment. Following that painful feeling, comes the memory of angst, paranoia, and despair. This way is better.
Posted by 3by3 writing method | October 16, 2011, 8:25 pmGreat post. I especially love and could not agree more with the first and last paragraphs of your post. It’s really encouraging to know that there are others out there who feel similarly, particularly when those who continue to subscribe to the “phallic ‘onward and upward’ American model of success” (no judgment here, each to their own) can be so negative and condescending towards those of us who want out. Congratulations on the “new” career!
Posted by Dreaming Rambler | October 16, 2011, 8:42 pmI too love the post. But who could not love “expand my life outward, in circles of curiosity, love and communication”? To be honest, it sounds so much more interesting than striving to make it. Sounds like you have made it!
Posted by VivianLea Doubt | October 17, 2011, 4:43 pm